Thursday, May 5, 2011

Prayer Request


Most of you who read this know that I write to share the good and the bad.  Lately I’ve been going through a trial.  We moved here a year and a half ago.  When I reflect on the past 20 months there have been some great moments, sad moments and more than anything lonely moments.  One of the hardest things for me to get use to as a pastor’s wife is the loneliness.  Almost everyone that I meet wants something from me in some way or another.  They want me to encourage them, pray for them, listen to what they are going through or help with an idea they have.  All of these things I am more than willing to do.  I don’t have one negative thought about doing anything for anyone.  But there are moments when I look around and wonder does anyone pray for me?  Do I ever cross someone’s mind when they kneel down and speak to the master.  There are moments when I wish someone would come up and speak to me without needing me first.  Just because they love me and want to hear my voice.  Very rarely do I get those moments.  When I do they are cherished.  I hope this doesn’t sound like a pity party on my part.  Most days I go right on and don’t even think about it.  When things slow down and the kids get settled I have to admit I have some of the most lonesome talks with the Lord.  There are days when I feel like Dave and the Lord are my only friends.  Now that is definitely not true because I have some wonderful friends that are closer to me than a lot of my family.  There are emotional battles that I face that even my friends, my husband, my children and my family can’t help me fight.  It has to come from the Lord. 


Once when I was little I remember going to church with my Mamaw in Hamilton, OH.  The preacher said “Sometimes when I’m praying I just reach up and I can feel Him reach down and hold my hand.”  I remember thinking that was so strange.  I was very young.  I know now what that minister was talking about!!  I have been to the place where I just needed to feel His comfort.  The reassurance that only He can give.  I needed to know He was still with me.  Guiding my steps.  Today I have needed that.  I know that God is going to bring me through this trial but please pray for me while I wait for Him to move in His time.  Pray that I can remain standing when the strong winds of life try to blow me away.  Pray that God will whisper His sweet peace to me when chaos surrounds me.  I appreciate your prayers and I know that God will move.




Monday, March 21, 2011

James 1:22

  I've been thinking about this verse all morning: James 1:22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

How easy it is to be deceived.  When I was growing up I learned about the bible.  I remember learning about Eve and how she beleived a lie because of one word being added to a shall not surley die.  When you think about it, really, its not that huge of a change.  Its simple.  One word.  That one small simple word brought sin into the world.

It only takes one small word to open the door and welcome sin back into your heart.  So often we think it has to be this huge thing to happen and bam your a sinner.  Those types of things are easy for Satan.  I mean come on its not really a challenge to convince someone that sin feels good, tastes good and looks good.  The real challenge is convincing people that they aren't wrong for doing it.  Satan speaks lies daily.  He'll say anything to get you to believe its okay.  Justifying sin is the first step into darkness.  Satan wants us to believe that what we're doing is not sin.  When the word says no, satan says yes.   

We can go to church every time the doors are open, be the sunday school teacher, sing in the choir, participate in drama ministry, and any other acitivity, outreach or service that is available and still be living a life of sin.   James 1:22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.  You may hear it but if thats where it ends your no different from the woman on the back row who just walked in and everyone knows what she's been doing.  You've just gotten good at hiding your sin, thats all.  You've gotten so good you've convinced yourself your not sinning. 

I'm speaking from my own experience.  I have worked in church since I was 15 or 16 years old.  I truly love having a part in my home church.  For several years I helped my husband  with his ministry and the whole time I had hatred in my heart because I felt I'd been wronged.  I convinced myself that it was okay because they did me wrong...  Thank God for having mercy on me.  He opened my eyes to the ugliness that sin had created of my heart.  Its so easy to get consumed with something like hatred, bitterness, envy, and strife because they aren't visible or obvious sins.

I'm not writing this today to condemn everyone to Hell or make people feel bad.  I'm writing this to condemn Satan to Hell and share with you that my eyes had to be opened.  When the light of Jesus lit up my life I was no longer in darkness.  My sin was ever present and I had to get rid of it.  I begged God to continue to have mercy on me and to purge this ugly deceptive sin from my heart.  His light filled the holes that sin had left behind and He made me whole!!!  He can do that for you too.  If your unsure about something your doing, something your thinking about doing talk to your pastor.  Seek counsel from someone who knows the word.  Read your bible and learn it for yourself.  Pray. Pray. Pray.  Ask Jesus into your heart and his light will shine down into your life and reveal the impurities of sin.....I know because He did this for me!!!


Thursday, March 17, 2011


I'm so excited.  I absolutley LOVE Thankful Thursdays.  Its so encouraging to hear what big things God is doing for others and what little things everyone is thankful for.  It always puts a smile on my face just thinking about it.  Since its "Thankful Thursday"  I was thinking about being thankful and knowing where to turn to in time of need.  

My sister in law and friend told me once that she was thankful for the knowledge of where her help comes from and for knowing who provides her blessings.  That really stuck with me.  Its important to remember that God supplies the increase.  If we think its something we did or someone else other than God then thats not pleasing God.  He wants us to put Him first above everything.  He wants us to know that He met our need, He provided the blessing, He moved on our behalf.  We must give God ALL the honor and glory in everything.  I'm sure my sister in law had no idea how much her words meant to me or how much I took them to heart but I knew it was God speaking to me and I listened....   (thats my word of the year heehee)

We moved to this area about a year and a half ago.  When we first came we thought we're gonna do this, we're gonna start that and just had tons of ideas and excitment.  We still have tons of ideas and plenty of excitement but things didn't happen as quickly as we thought for sure they would.  At first I just didn't get it.  I thought Lord why would you send us here to work in this church when no one wants to come.  There have been a lot of times when it was just our family, our deacon's family and one other couple.  That was and sometimes still is so hard to handle.  I have a different outlook on things now.  We are still going through this but I know God has already started moving.  Once I got myself out of the way I realized God has had some preparation to do.  He's laying the foundation.  We weren't ready for massive growth when we first got here.  God has had some work that still needed to be done on us.  We have to be ready for God to use us according to His will and in His time. 

So I'm having patience.  I know that God is going to bless our efforts.  I know that He sent my husband here for a reason and that He has a great work for this church.  I know that God will supply the increase.  It won't be from us or our talent or efforts.  It will be for the honor and Glory of God.  I believe that one day this church will be a pillar in the community.  A refuge for the weary.  A place to find JESUS!!  With all my heart I believe this.  We may not be here for that.  Our work may have been just laying the foundation but I am so thankful that God chose us to have a part in His plan.     

I hope that if your reading this you remember where your strength comes from and give God all the glory.  His merciful hand has been guiding us daily and for that I can't give Him enough praise.  Thank you for taking the time to listen to my story.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Warning Signs

  You know when your driving and you see:
 Go to fullsize image   or    Go to fullsize image
I was thinking about the Warning Signs that God gives us daily.  His are more subtle most of the time but nevertheless they are still there if your looking for them.  I'm the worst for not paying attention when I'm driving and I'll miss my exit or the turn I was looking for.  Dave just looks at me like "well if you were paying attention we'd be there" LOL!!  I would love it if God had huge billboards for me that said "Don't Go Down This Path" or "Proceed with Caution" and even better "Watch Out for Snakes"....
So I know that its not that simple but when you go through a trial or two you'll start to recognize the signs that God's trying to give you.  I feel apprehension sometimes and don't know why.  Years ago I would overlook it and go on.  Now I slow down, take my time and proceed with caution.  I know that God is letting me know that your about to face something big and you need to pray, seek the Lord, and stay focused on Him. 
     I have gone through periods of feeling down.  I don't know if I'd call it a depression but I was defintley depressed about something when this would happen.  Every time I've gone through this it started with isolation.  I would automatically want to close myself to everyone and everything around me and just be alone.  At first I thought, I'm just going through a trial and I don't want to be hurt.  I'm protecting my heart.  I've since realized that, for me, that's the first sign that I'm getting depressed or down.  I withdraw.  Those closest to me realize it almost immediatly and then others will take notice if I'm down for a while.  Through the years I've finally learned to identify what triggers this reaction in me.  I've learned to listen to the Lord and ask him continually for help in recognizing His warning signs.
      He may speak to you differently than me but I guarentee if you seek the Lord and ask Him to reveal things to you He will.  To be a safe driver we have to pay attention, use good judgement and stay focused.  You won't see the signs if your not looking.  Its the same way with the Lord.  If we're busy with tons of other things and taking our sight off Him then we'll end up going the wrong way, getting ourselves into an undesirable place or worse.....lost.  I've learned that when I keep Him first I may still go through trials and believe me they are difficult, BUT, I'd rather go through the trial with my Navigator On than go through them alone.  Surely I'd end up lost and those who know me know that I'm geographically challenged!!!!!  Jesus is like my Navigator app.  He guides me to the correct destination...  Thank the Lord!!!!        

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I Choose to Serve the Lord

Good Morning!  Everyday I email back and forth with my sister-in-laws.  There are 6 of us all who participate and my niece Beth so 7 altogether.  I live far away from the rest of the girls so it gives me the opportunity to still feel close to everyone.  I am very thankful for them!!!!  Today the first email sent said "I hope you choose to have a wonderful Wednesday!"  The first time I read it I just automatically hit reply all and responded like I normally do.  Then every time I went to my email that one line seemed to catch my eye and it seemed like I just kept reading it over and over.  Then I thought of the verse: Joshua 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD

It really hit me this morning.  Do I choose to serve the Lord every day?  To be honest a lot of days I choose myself and my needs first.  I'll wake up so worried about being late and getting the kids where they need to be I don't think about God until everything has settled down and I'm alone in my vehicle or sitting at my desk.  I got so condemned when I realized that about myself today.....  Now I'm not saying that in doing that I'm sinning or not living for God so don't get me wrong.  But, what I am saying is why do I wait to serve the Lord until I've had my morning coffee and things are quiet.  Then I give God my attention.  When its convenient for me.  In Dave's sermon this weekend he mentioned serving God is never convenient.  I got a wake up call today.  My word for the year is Listen.  Lord I heard you loud and clear LOL.  I am going to make a new start.  Today is a new day.  I am going to choose to serve the Lord first each day.  I choose for Him to be the first name on my lips, the first thought in my mind.  I choose to start my day asking God what can I do for Him today not what can he do for me.  I am not going to let convenience  determine my willingness to put God first.   

As for me, I Choose to serve the Lord!!!!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

A Servant's Heart

I want a servants heart
And I will gladly bear the markings
Of one held captive yet free
Not my will but thine
For Lord in your own time
Only you can make a servants heart

He compels me to go
But I would rather stay
He sent me a valley
Once again today
My self determined will
Keeps tearing me apart
But when the works completed
I'll have a servants heart

More and more Lord I see
There's a work I must do
Father may you find me faithful
Trusting only you
Take all that I have been
There, your will to start
And then I'll serve no other master
with this servants heart

Growing up I would go to church with my mamaw a lot.  She use to sing in a group and this was my favorite song that they sang.  The words took on new meaning and became more and more personal as I got older and developed a deeper relationship with the Lord.  I want to be found willing for the Lord to mold me into what he sees fit.  I want to trust in the Lord with all my heart every minute of every day.  I feel so often as this song mentions that my self determined will is tearing me apart.  I don't always understand God's plan but then again why do I need to understand it?  The most important thing is not that I understand its that I accept his will.  He always knows what's best in every situation or circumstance I face.  Not my will but thine for Lord in your own time only you can make a servant's heart!


Monday, February 21, 2011


Good Morning, from Fort Smith, AR!  Its another busy Monday.  I don't know about everyone else but my Mondays are usually off to a slow start.  I always wanna sleep that extra 5 or 10 minutes.  My weekends are always so full and I'm usually wore out.  Even when I'm tired its hard to not smile when my little Kylee bug wants to sit in my lap before she goes to the bus stop.  She made my day.  I'm so thankful for every little memory like that with my babies.  Time seems to go by so fast.  I don't want to miss a moment.    

I have been reflecting on my relationship with the Lord a lot lately.  Well, relationships in general but mostly with the Lord.  My favorite radio station was doing a thing at the begining of the year where you choose one word for the year 2011.  My word ended up being 'Listen'.  I really feel like that was what God wanted me to really focus on this year.  Sometimes when someone is talking to you and your not paying attention you might miss their voice inflection or the emotion behind their words.  I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to truly listen when someone is speaking to me not only with my ears but with my heart.  When God speaks to my heart I don't want to be so consumed with life that I don't hear Him.

I've heard a particular story from the bible used in many sermons through out the years.  Its when Martha got upset with Mary because she wasn't helping her prepare the meal for their guests.  Martha was busy doing everything and Mary was sitting at Jesus feet.  So often I see myself in Martha.  I get so caught up with life that I can almost hear the Lord saying "Kina, Kina, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."  I don't want to forget to choose that good part.  Sometimes I have to stop myself and make sure I'm not forgetting to just sit at Jesus' feet and listen. 

I am so thankful that through every trial the Lord has been right there.  He's never left my side.  He gives me strength when I'm weak.  He supplies my needs.  When I don't always know what's coming next He holds my hand and comforts me.  Who am I Lord that you are mindful of me?  I want to listen to God when he speaks to my heart, whether its words of comfort, encouragment or correction.  I want to choose that good part so that it can never be taken away from me.